I love CLOSURE

I was running down the Mount this morning thinking....AHHH I love this part. I look so forward to the jog down, the steep part of the hill where I am running down so fast it doesn't even feel like a work out, the last bit of stairs where I know the work out is complete. I just love the end to things. It sometimes is the thing that motivates me out of bed in the morning. "Just think of walking in the door after the long run."

It's true it really does get me out of bed and on to the street (or beach, nowadays) for a nice long jog. Today, though, as I came to that glorious part of the run--the end, I had an intersting thought. How sad. As I run to the mount I keep myself going by thinking of the moment I am done. When I hit the hard part of the stairs on the Mount I think of descending down in just a few minutes. As I come off the Mount and think of the jog back home, I think you can do this--just think how good walking in the door knowing you are done will feel.

When life gets tough I think of the end of something. I say things to myself like, 'just think it will eventually be over' or 'ít is a season and the definition of a season is it has a beginning and an end' In a nutshell, that is how I cope with life. This is not a new realization to me. It just hit me today, I wonder how many things I have missed by thinking of when it will be over instead of enjoying the actual run.

Hhmmm. I do love closure, I can't lie. I don't want to feel trapped. Which, ironically, for me I feel free when I am able to have closure. If I leave something open ended with no end in sight I start to panic. I have thought (and had people so kindly tell me) that of the "fight or flight" coping mechanism I am always FLIGHT. Yeah,I kind of look like I am and perhaps I am at times. But the reality of it is I flee in my head because I am desparately trying to get to the end to have closure...to see how the story ends. If the book is going to slow and I can't stand the emotion, I skim the pages to get to the end to see what happens. If life is not going the speed I want I will rush the "story" or experienes of my life just to get to the end and have closure. The unfortunate part of that coping mechanism is I might get the closure I so desparately think I want, but in the end I don't get the ending I really wanted.

Not rushing things is not my strong point, shall we say. Today though on the way down the Mount I decided maybe I will try and enjoy the process of the Mount and my jogs in the morning, not just revel in the ending. As I neared the bottom of the Mount and headed back on to the street for the walk home it was taking a little longer than I wanted so I hurried and jogged home instead of walked the 2 miles back.

Oh well, maybe tomorrow I will try and enjoy the journey. There really is no cryptic message in this or some big life lesson. Just simply the lesson of life I am constantly trying ot learn over and over again. And today my run seemed to be the teacher. I will continue to show up for class and see if I can learn to enjoy the journey a little and not just LOVE the closure of it.