So I have had Mexican at least ONCE a day since coming back to the States. AND I have gone to Target at least once every day...I think I have an addictive personality....I can't seem to get enough of either. Maybe tomorrow I will start weening myself off of them....maybe? :)
It is so funny to be back in the States for sure. I have felt pretty displaced in a lot of ways. I have LOVED getting to catch up with old friends, and being back in a community of people that I have come to love. I worked at a place called Mosaic in LA. It is one of those experiences that I have really come to love. I have worked in other places like this before but that is just it, it was work. At Mosaic it was family...not perfect, slightly dysfunctional at times, but my family. I have loved walking up and down the halls, laughing at all the changes, listening to the hearts and dreams of my friends and sharing life with these people again. Mosaic is a special place and one thatI have never encountered like it before. I feel pretty fortunate to be a part of this community of people.
At the same time, I am missing NZ terribly. I have missed my friends like crazy. I miss popping by Sally and Mich's office, laughing with Glen in our office, chatting with Ali on the chairs in the morning and at the kitchen counter in the evening, times with Emma running, and Slow Fish. I wish I was hanging out at my friend's house tonight...especially because I know my friend Sam is going by to give my little Mackenzie a gift and will be laughing with the Lines all night long...It is funny to feel like your heart is in two places. It is part of transition and part of re-entry, so while it doesn't surprise me it is still very real and at times really scary. I had a melt down with my friend Sea on the phone yesterday and then that night with Amy. Amy reminded me I have only been home 3 days and it is okay that I don't have a plan for my life. I know that, but I think after 3 days of telling people I don't know what is next it just got to me. It will all sort itself out, but for now I just must battle through this change.
It is funny, I think that my addictive personality trickles into me needing a plan, too. I laugh at how a plan really does help me...I made a plan for each day and have felt so much better. (it is like I am addicted :) I love a plan and I love getting to the end of my day and realizing that I got everything in that day that I wanted to do. Today was one of those days...everything is just working out. I am seeing the people I want to see, doing the things I want to do, eating at the YUMMY AZ Mexican food places I NEED to eat at and being refreshed with laughter and tears with friends. Tonight I even got to see a friend from Chicago that I worked with 10 years ago! How cool that she happened to be in LA this week...what a treat.
And tomorrow....DISNEYLAND!!!!! I am taking Zane and Audrey to "The Happiest Place On Earth!" I think I just might be more exited than them...and it is BRIGHT and SUNNY and HOT here in CA...how can it not be the happiest place on earth with those things going for us!
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2 comments:
you are making me so jealous - you know that i would be eating mexican and going to target EVERY DAY with you!!
I HATE not having a plan too! Trav and I didn't have a plan for a year and a half, and I was brought so low by it and desperate! The cool thing is that God always had a plan the whole time, and it was just me waiting till he revealed to me. God's got GREAT plans for you Dana, hang in there and enjoy the ride till you find out what they are, don't fight it!
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