I was writing my mom an email today and I was telling her about our job searching, apartment searching, living with people after 9 months of doing that and just the long emotional week we have had. A lot has happened in the last week and half in our lives. SO GOOD, the best week of my life for sure, but in the midst of all the excitement comes two little words I had...waiting and change.
As I used to stumble out of my warm electric blanket bed at Ali and Uncle Neville's in NZ, and put on warm clothes to survive the cool jog down the beach I would often wonder, "what the heck am I doing?" The house was usually dark, the sky was dark, littered with stars, and the chill was biting in the air I wanted to die. But each day I would get and jog down to the beach and the minute my eyes saw the surf and my feet hit the sand there was just a calming peace. It was as if I was up before the rest of the world. I mean, there was the occasional dog walkers that scared me to death...because it was so dark on the beach you couldn't see people (or dogs) until they were right in front of you. So many times I would be lost in the peaceful moment or rehashing something in my head that I would know someone was there until it was right up on me...and in a lot of the dogs cases they did get right up on me. You can imagine how well that went over with me.
I don't know though, there was something about those quiet, still mornings. I can remember one morning hesitantly saying, "good morning God." It was as if he was the only one that was up in the world with me.
I timed my run so as I turned around down at the Mount I would began to catch the morning light peeking out above the horizon. It was a memory I knew I was making and one that I knew I would never be able to replace. I ran along, not caring how tired my legs were or how winded I was because I was mesmerized that the Sun, once again was rising. It didn't need my help, nor did it depend on my day or my mood, it just consistently rose and set each day without me. There was a peace knowing how small you are in this universe. As I ran next to a massive, uncontrollable ocean, watched the beauty of a breathtaking sunrise, in a country I wasn't even sure of the location of less than a year ago, does something to remind you of God. Whether you believe in Him or not those things colliding made him more real than he has ever been to me.
This morning as I watched Sam drive away, I walked back into the house in tears. Now the tears started because my bath and body car freshener which I love broke this morning. But I don't think it was really the cause of my tears...I think it was just the object that reminded me that it is still the dark part of morning...kind of like the dogs that used to come up on my so fast in the dark at the Mount on my runs.
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are supposed to be here, and this morning I think I remembered that it is just the dark of morning. We can't see yet the sunrise which will enable us to see the waves, and the sand, and the mount and the life that is before us. It is just still a little morning dark as we wait for jobs, sort out immigration, find places to live, and learn to be us in the midst of all this change. The sun is rising. It always does. It is just a late Sunrise. But this I know, once it rises it will all be worth it. And as much as I would like too...you cannot rush a sunrise. The slowness and quickness of it once it peeks out above the horizon is where its beauty is held. Patience...waiting...change....it is always hard for me, but always worth it.
Each morning as I sat and watched the sunrise I marveled at what I was seeing....so glad I got out of that warm electric blanket, endured the run and took the time to watch a sunrise.
It will be no different here, of this I am sure.
A little visual reminder of why we get up and run each day....we love each other...
A date at Daytona Beach
The smile says it all...
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