If you haven't ever rode The Giant Dipper at Santa Cruz Beach Board walk you are missing out on a good time and a GREAT laugh. Every year some of my best friends and I try to get away to Santa Cruz for rest, laughter, and quality time. One of our favorite things to do since we started going 10 years ago is to ride the Giant Dipper. If you notice in the picture it isn't that exciting and quite frankly isn't made that well. But somehow we all get off with tears in our eyes from laughing so hard. Aren't those the best moments? Laughing so hard you cry has to be one of my most favorite things in the world.
This weekend was very similar to a Giant Dipper ride. It was a roller coaster of emotions. My migraine stayed just on the edge all weekend, yet I was so thankful that it never went into a full fledged headache, nor a migraine. I was quiet as Saturday approached. I tend to be a little quiet and introverted before I speak. It is one of the few times that I am either quiet or introverted :) I was speaking in the afternoon, so I had the chance to pay attention to the feel of the camp during the first couple of sessions. As I got up to speak I was full of "pre game jitters."
I had no idea what it would be like to speak to this new Kiwi culture. During the day I seemed to have had every emotion possible: fear, excitement, exhaustion, joy, worry, hope and nervousness. I hung out with some good friends. Cried a little with my good friend Sally, then laughed a little with her. Listened to people share hard circumstances and empathized with them. I spoke hoping that the exercises I was taking the women through would make sense in this new culture.
As I finished that session I was reminded how non emotional the Kiwi culture is in general. They aren't quite as quick to give emotional feedback on their faces. I just had to trust it went well. Shortly there after I was reminded of my most unfavorite part of speaking: the vulnerabilities and insecurities that are so high. I walked straight into one of my most dreaded situations by accident, and was standing face to face with a huge insecurity. "Of course," is all I thought....just a part of speaking. I fought to keep perspective the rest of the night. I was very excited to lay down in my bed....my bed that was in a tent with 4 other women. Yep I was in a tent once again:)
The night was one of the longest nights of my life. One of those nights that once I awake all I could think was "man I am glad that night is over." I tossed and turned all night, fought through more insecurities, had to go to the bathroom not once, but twice (which was AWESOME to crawl out of the tent, going through the two zipper doors, walk to the bathroom in the dark and make my way back through the two zipper doors in the dark and crawl back into my sleeping bag). But I made it, with barely any sleep but made it, nonetheless.
The next morning I was teaching one more time first thing. I crawled out of bed, attempted to make myself presentable and sat down to try to put all my thoughts together on what I was going to say. Once again I shared from my heart and gave them a couple of tools to deal with life. I learned an interesting thing about speaking to the Kiwi culture. I am fairly open about what I walk through and as I shared, it was a bit surprising to some of the women. I had quite a few people come up to me after asking if I was okay. I wondered why and later that night I realized it. I had shared some of my emotional roller coaster and how I battled through the emotion, yet not allowing the emotion to control my every move. That is not a very Kiwi way of life. Strong emotion and sharing that is not a typical thing. They seem to have such a high value for being able to handle anything, and mostly can. So my emotional way of life and my honesty of not being perfect was a lot to take in I discovered. Hopefully, it didn't distract too much from what I was saying.
I ended the weekend with a BBQ with great friends at Auntie Ali and Uncle Neville's. It was a fun weekend, but I definitely fell into bed Sunday night excited to sleep in on Monday. That didn't really happen. I was so overly tired, I didn't sleep great and finally got up and so wished that their was a Target near by. I just needed a good ol' fashion Target day: wandering around with a diet coke, bag of pop corn and a good friend. I didn't find a Target but I ended up having a Target Day without the Target. I found a store that sold my favorite NZ labels so cheap--2 skirts for $6.99 YAY for me! :) Then wandering next door to that I found a store that was a mix between Pier 1 and Cost Plus. Then walked around down town sipping a diet coke enjoying the sunshine. A friend drove by and we stopped and got a coffee (yes I actually drink it now--what has happened to me here?!) Then Michelle and I went to see 27 Dresses with her mother-in-law. It was my second time seeing it and I LOVED it all over again (it does, in a scary, odd way, parallel my life--she's a bit awkward, has my guy issues and though I haven't been in 27 weddings I have been in 16. She has her fair share of "cuteness" awkward moments that is for sure! So it made me laugh all over again) Then I came home and had a yummy dinner back at Beks and Greg's house and am ready to start my week all over.
The roller coaster of emotions this weekend was similar to that Giant Dipper ride each summer. Moments of wondering why I even got on, moments of laughing so hard I cry, memories that make me smile, and once it is over, a feeling of great satisfaction.
(Jared, Me, and Michelle hanging out waiting for the yummy food)
(Lisa, Auntie Ali, and Uncle Neville getting the BBQ already)
(Uncle Neville and Grant eating muscles....eww)
(Another fun "American" picture--Michelle makes fun of me that all we Americans do is take non candid pictures of ourselves...I tell her not Americans, just me:) Notice Michelle sporting a cute Cali hoodie!)
