Bride Room Dreams

Hairspray, laughter, makeup, and a white dress filled the small Bride's Room in a church in Northern California. We all spent the morning in our blue dresses making sure that our beautiful friend stayed gorgeous and perfect in her white dress. The goal was simple: a flawless relaxed bride walking down the aisle. Simple enough.... There were quite a few moments that day that went not quite the way we planned and as a bridesmaid I can say that I did something I have never done before to guarantee that my friend's moment was ideal.

Ironically 10 years ago in that small room and in the midst of my friends big moment I felt like I new what I was going to do with the rest of my life. I didn't totally understand it then and actually don't fully comprehend it now. But this I know, I get excited when I think about, I love when I catch glimpses of me doing it, and I think about how to do it better all the time. As I have come to know God one of the things that I have done is read the Bible. One of the things the Bible states is that God thinks of the church as his bride. Kind of a weird analogy to me, but it's the way it is described. Interestingly enough, I kind of get it now that most of my friends have got married. Each wedding there was this look that my friend's husband would get at the end of the long aisle that she was heading down. I actually love to catch the moment when the groom sees her for the first time. It is as if words cannot capture how full his heart is to be connected to her for the rest of their lives.

Could that really be how God sees people? Does He say the Bride is his church because it is full of people? For the sake of argument what if that was true? I have had a relationship with God over the years. It hasn't always been easy--I am relating to an invisible God that has visible effects. That is just a bizarre, but since it is my experience I know it is true. (maybe I am the bizarre one?:) I have had a hard time understanding who God is, and what He really wants for people. Sometimes I struggle with knowing that He is in control of the world and what that means. And most often I struggle with trusting that He loves me and looks out for me. At the end of the day though, I know that He is real and has loved me in tangible ways.

So ten years ago while standing in that Bride's room I had this feeling that I would get to help, not only my friends look amazing on their wedding day, but to stick with the illustration that God used in the Bible, that I would get to spend my life helping the church "look" or more accurately be beautiful and perfect. It put words to what was inside me--strange experience, but I was filled with purpose not knowing what that meant but excited to live life.

I realized this weekend that I have spent the last few years doing just that. It is a part of what I am doing in New Zealand. It hasn't looked AT ALL like I thought it would. It has been very hard and, in fact, I have been more hurt in my attempts to help in churches than I have outside of churches. A hard concept for me to grasp is that I am not perfect, but feel so strong about helping in churches. I have worked on my "craft," so to speak by learning about communication, care, management, leadership, and the way others outside of the church do those things.

While it hasn't been easy because I have seen people in deep pain and I have been in deep pain, I would have it no other way. Because along the way I have learned so much about myself, I have seen all different parts of the world, I have met incredible people, I have seen people's lives change dramatically, I have seen people experience love and hope from God for the first time. I watched a lady this weekend realize that there was a difference between religion and having a relationship with God. She asked such poignant questions and at the end she didn't want the illusion of God through religion but wanted a relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

What a privilege. I never get used to watching the God of the universe care about people, and I am so humbled that He lets me see it and be a part of what He is doing. So while I am no where close to perfect, I am so thankful that God lets me see not only how He works, but how He loves people.