My life is a like a Chocolate Chip Muffin from Costco

For those of you in the States, you know those yummy muffins that are HUGE that come in the massive pack at Costco? Those scrumptious muffins that are blueberry, banana nut, poppy seed, and the best of all--CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHIP, you know the ones. (If you do Weight Watchers...the ones that have more than your daily point allowance...those ones) They are at every function that has a morning breakfast time or a snack time.

I mean look how happy this lady looks as she presents the muffins...oh man just seeing them makes my mouth water!



But here is the thing are the chocolate chocolate chip ones really breakfast? Or are the a dessert? Or are they just a snack? They seem a bit too chocolately (if that is even possible that something can be too chocolately) for breakfast, yet muffins are a breakfast food.

My life kind of feels like a chocolate Costco muffin this week. I had two friend here from LA and while it was so good to see them and hear American accents, I felt this odd sensation that I no longer fit in either world, yet I fit in both worlds. As much as I love my family and friends at home, I realized how at home I feel in NZ. It has drawn the best out of me at every turn. I love my pace of life, my attitude, my contribution, and my friends here. But there is still a bit of unsettling. I don't see myself going back to the States right now. But it is not entirely my choice to stay in NZ--it is up to immigration at the end of the day. I know, that if it is supposed to work out it will, but it still leaves me with this odd feeling that I am not sure which place I fit. I am an American and I really like being an American (especially as the Olympics approach..I am getting ready to cheer for the Red, White & Blue). But I love being in NZ and living with Kiwi's (exactly why I will be cheering just as much for NZ in the Olympics!).

Here is the the thing though...I am like those delectable muffins. I fit in as a breakfast food because muffins area breakfast food, but when someone wants one for a snack it is perfectly alright to grab one and have one. I fit in as an American because that is who I am, but I kind of want to be a "snack" too--I want to stay and live in NZ for awhile. But someone has the right to tell me, nope you aren't a snack food you are just a breakfast food...head back to the morning food section not the snack food section.

The funny thing is I am not totally sure what I actually want at the end of the day either. I love being here and love this culture and feel very at home, but there are little things that can flip me out...such as what about all my Christmas decorations in storage? I won't get to put those up. What about all my cute bedding that I have in storage? What about missing 4th of July the way I know it? What about Thanksgiving? I know there are answers to all of these things, but these are things that make me say "which am I? A breakfast food or a snack?" 

And maybe at the end of the day I am both. What does that look like? Who knows? And who cares? Because when you actually eat that muffin you really don't care if it is classified as a breakfast food or a snack (or that it is a million points). You just enjoy it thanking God that he made chocolate...and Costco.